Dry Portraits

And so we got tired. Tired of this mortal silence, tired of all the rage, of all misunderstanding and of those strange shadows crossing that grave we used to call bedroom, lying over that poison we used to call bed. Our bodies are tired our desires are dead. Unable to smile and to act as natural as a deep breath before the jump we are condemned to roller coasters and guillotines, to fight with spike words and empty hearts, black hearts I would say, filled with strange bile. And I will never get to know you, you will never get to know me, as we built walls from our fear, and we started to use love as a weapon, tears as a new kind of doom. And every time was more difficult, the feeling, this disgusting feeling of beauty fading away, destroyed by all your rudeness, by all your hate and all your completely sure of yourself behaviour. And don’t think there’s only one criminal here, I should be punished as well, maybe for losing my strength, my motivations and specially for losing you. For apparently never make myself clear whatever I tried to say to you, to explode like a bomb trying to squash all that craziness that you used to cover me with. Words can’t do much, it’s always a big monologue, and we are just talking to our own eyes, those same eyes that wanted to live that life so badly. And this life is now turning into strange memories, to be collected among others of the same, and you already got a few. Just make sure to be honest with them.

Waking up, ready to go.

And she thought she could break his wings. And make him fit into her extremely confortable world. Living with fear, like an old man waiting for the dead to come.

Mixtape No 14 I'm Afraid You Are Afraid We Are All Afraid

Broken tunes dedicated to all those who suffer in the dark rooms, alone with their thoughts, facing the danger and the unknown. This music is intended to take you for a long walk, always in the dark, you will see strange creatures, you will feel the fire, you will listen to voices calling you into the cave. All you want to do is to learn how to forget. So close your eyes and unfasten your seatbelts.

I'm Afraid You Are Afraid We Are All Afraid

How true all that thing about reason & heart is, about how the latter performs the most incredible acts without the acknowledgement of the former. It blinds us, drives us crazy, makes us want to create new worlds and manipulate the nature of things. And then we try, and try harder and harder. And slowly it desintegrates our will, destroy our bold hearts, turning it into a cold piece of a tough conclusion, often turned into a simple question: what am I doing here?
My mouth spoke truthfully, every word intended to be a new possible world, for you, for me. Plans were made, my mind  went far when thinking about the possibilities, as you used to say you had nothing making you to stay, nothing stable happening in your life right now, perfect moment to start to fly.
At the same time, there was all that fear, that often came as rage, breaking and destroying whatever it could find on the way, that rage that so many times made us wonder and question our hearts, invariably pointing our failures as holes in our soul. But we carried on, wounded but still with some strenght and someting, gradually fading out, to fight for.
And it kept happening, more and more and more.  And at that time words were like big monsters constantly changing forms, acquiring new and scary colors, words that we won't recognize as they left our little mouths. Just two lost souls trying to love and two be loved, with no clue at all, oh my that just makes me want to rewind all the history and calmy put my head on your knees, in a frenzy and frail desire to touch again the first and virgin soul of that night, which is not possible, so it will probably keep hurting for a time, and then dust will come to make wounds easier to be forgotten.

Mixtape No. 13 It Will Take A Thousand Pieces Of Your Heart To Make Me Whole Again

Dedicated to all coke sniffers, to the girls wandering at dawn with their ripped stockings, to all fearless souls, dancing at the wrong time, at the wrong place.

Tracklist:

Through the Bars of a Rhyme by Burning Star Core
Rawema by Signal
Against by Cloaks
Uni C by Alva Noto
Misery Beat by Pete Swanson
Scrabble by Evala
Credo V by Marihiko Hara
Mining by Mika Vaino
Napoleon by Mika Vaino
Rain Washes Over Chaff by Cut Hands
Id#08 by Cyclo.
Plastic Star (Session) by Byetone
3.9.2004 by Dalglish
0°:: Zero Degrees, Part 3 by Ryoji Ikeda
Tleilax by Roly Porter
Intro by Pleq & Spheruleus

When we find elsewhere news of what's going on at home

As I sat sadly by her side
At the window, through the glass
She stroked a kitten in her lap
And we watched the world as it fell past
Softly she spoke these words to me
And with brand new eyes, open wide
We pressed our faces to the glass
As I sat sadly by her side

She said, "Father, mother, sister, brother,
Uncle, aunt, nephew, niece,
Soldier, sailor, physician, labourer,
Actor, scientist, mechanic, priest
Earth and moon and sun and stars
Planets and comets with tails blazing
All are there forever falling
Falling lovely and amazing"

Then she smiled and turned to me
And waited for me to reply
Her hair was falling down her shoulders
As I sat sadly by her side

As I sat sadly by her side
The kitten she did gently pass
Over to me and again we pressed
Our different faces to the glass
"That may be very well", I said
"But watch the one falling in the street
See him gesture to his neighbours
See him trampled beneath their feet
All outward motion connects to nothing
For each is concerned with their immediate need
Witness the man reaching up from the gutter
See the other one stumbling on who can not see"

With trembling hand I turned toward her
And pushed the hair out of her eyes
The kitten jumped back to her lap
As I sat sadly by her side

Then she drew the curtains down
And said, "When will you ever learn
That what happens there beyond the glass
Is simply none of your concern?
God has given you but one heart
You are not a home for the hearts of your brothers

And God does not care for your benevolence
Anymore than he cares for the lack of it in others
Nor does he care for you to sit
At windows in judgement of the world He created
While sorrows pile up around you
Ugly, useless and over-inflated"

At which she turned her head away
Great tears leaping from her eyes
I could not wipe the smile from my face
As I sat sadly by her side

Disempowered

Sometimes we just feel this breath whispering silent maledictions on our necks. Our first reaction is to run to the green and unknown melodies that protect our house. This pressure will not go away, it will stay like a warm presence in a cold and white room, singing haunting lullabies to our hesitant ears, in a voice too deep and sweet that we will able to fly through all fears and land on a new dream, where past and future would be the same thing and soul would be a word that we wouldn't be ashamed of. Remember, please remember, when you used to laugh at every golden word my lips dared to pronounce. I felt fear on those laughs, I felt the force for a new man rising from glimpses of dubious light. I felt sorry for your past, joy for our present, I felt my parts galloping as it was a comet on fire. And then I felt my body tired, my romantic heart begging me to stop. But I never hear it when it says no.